my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
