their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
