girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
