We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
