i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
