you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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