Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
