im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
