I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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