Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
