winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
