I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
