You can't motorboat a personality
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
