exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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