I heard we made out
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
