How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Non-Jews are for practice
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
