Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
