You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
