How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
