I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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