I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
