I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
