Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Bring me that man meat
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
