If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
