I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
