i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
