In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
