what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
and i looked up. we had an audience...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
