Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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