sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
