I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The air was thick with penises
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
