I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
