Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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