someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
