I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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