Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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