apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
