i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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