Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
