Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
