So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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