evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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