You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
