i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
