im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Your penis caused this!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
