even my farts smell like vagina
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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