I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
