He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Houston, we have a squirter
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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