Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
