I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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