I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
